As most breastfeeding moms can attest, you get kind of obsessed with what you’ll do when you finally stop (I’ll do shots! No more pumping! More shots!). But when the moment finally arrives, it’s unexpectedly bittersweet. On one hand, you get your boobs back! On the other, it’s a sign that your snuffly little baby isn’t so little anymore. Here are the emotional, random, and kind of hilarious things you go through when you stop nursing.
"I Can Have a Margarita Again!"
This is huge—freaking huge, you guys. Whether you subscribe to the school of thought that the occasional beer or glass of wine is OK while you're nursing or were a teetotaler, hard alcohol is usually off-limits unless you pump 'n' dump (and trust, it's gut-wrenching to dump liquid gold). It's like being a freshman in college again, crappy tolerance and all.
"…But I Can’t Drink Too Much"
That whole becoming a mom thing? Yeah, you're not the same person you used to be. Even if you have the best babysitter in the world, odds are you're going to feel a little nervous about getting a buzz on.
"I Don’t Have to Wear a Bra to Bed Anymore!"
Crank up "Freebird"—that’s your jam now! Heck, you don't have to wear a bra again ever if you don’t feel like it. That is…until the next kid.
"Um, Where Did My Boobs Go?"
Seriously, what is this cruelty? You go up two cup sizes, only to go down three. And some of us were barely an A cup to start with. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it feels slightly weird to be the same bra size you were when you were 13—especially after your Pam Anderson phase.)
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"Take a Hike, Nursing Pads!"
There's nothing sexy about wearing what amounts to a maxi pad on your boobs 24/7. Eau de sour milk doesn't exactly help, either.
"Maybe I'll Start Up a Frozen Breast Milk Shop Online!"
You know how valuable a commodity it is—pretty much every parent ever knows how valuable it is. And all the diapers you still need to buy are freaking expensive! Throw milk in the garbage? That’s crazy talk.
"I'm Going to Take a Sledgehammer to My Pump!"
Itchy boobs, cracked nipples—you know where to point the finger. But you and the pump went through a lot together. You have history. Plus, it cost a boatload of money.
"It Won't be Weird When My Partner Touches Them!"
Err, it kind of still is. Last time you checked, boobs equaled baby food, and that’s about as far away from sexy as you can get.
MORE: 31 Ways to Have More Fun with Your Boobs Every Day
"My Baby Will Never be This Little Anymore"
Just a word of advice: Stay far, far away from greeting card commercials and the heart-warming children’s book If I Could Keep You Little during this time. It's nothing but trouble.
"Do I Really Want to do This?"
It's hard to move on from months of treating your milk supply like an atomic bomb. It's even harder to give up that precious time with your baby. You start to understand why that mom posed on a magazine cover while nursing her three-year-old. You even rationalize doing it yourself. (She seemed cool! Her kid was cute! I own that tank top! Screw it—my kid can nurse til he's 18 if he wants!) You know you can’t keep your baby little forever…but you still want to.
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