Of course a solid bond is built on trust, love, open and honest communication, and all of that real-life stuff. But that doesn’t mean that you should tell your S.O. everything about your comings and goings—it could end up doing more harm than good. Here, relationship expert Christie Hartman, Ph.D., reveals four things you shouldn’t tell your guy—no matter how close you are.
1. Your Number
You know—that number. Most guys don’t care that you’ve been with other men, but that doesn't mean they want to hear how many you’ve been with—or the specifics of each guy. Why? “Numbers and names make your past very real, rather than abstract,” says Hartman. And when your past seems real and tangible, it’s easier to get hung up on it—which can create unnecessary problems and/or drama in the future.
2. Your Ex's Better Qualities
Let’s say you’re playing tennis with your boyfriend, and you happen to mention that your ex was a star player in high school—and went on to be the captain of his college team. No doubt your boyfriend will start to feel inferior and start comparing himself to some imaginary figure in your life who he’s never even met. “Whether your ex was good in the sack, taller, bigger, stronger, smarter, had more money, or whatever else, just don’t go there," says Hartman. "There’s a chance your current guy may feel smaller or lesser as a person." And that’s something you don’t want to be responsible for. Her advice: “You can mention a couple of bad things, but not good things.” Just be sure to keep the bad things light if you do decide to bring them up—you don’t want to earn a reputation as a trash talker.
3. That Your Inner Circle Isn't His Biggest Fan
Maybe it’s his huge arm tattoo. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s been married before. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s too antisocial at social gatherings. Whatever the reason, your family and friends aren’t fans of your man—and they’ve told you this point-blank. "Don’t tell him," says Hartman. "It hurts everyone and drives a wedge between people." Instead, keep the information to yourself, and try to expose your crew to his finer attributes. Or just ignore their opinions. He’s your partner, not theirs, and in the end, you’re the one calling the shots.
4. How You and Your Ex Spent Your Time Together
Did you two used to read the newspaper side-by-side, do the crossword, and then make sunny-side-up eggs with diagonally cut sourdough toast every Sunday? Did you get wings and a pitcher of craft beer every Thursday night at your local bar? Don’t tell your current partner. “Revealing too many details about past relationships and traditions that you had together—both good and bad—is just not a good idea," says Hartman. "Going TMI on your S.O. makes him feel less significant, so just keep talk about your past general, and don’t do it often."
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