My Year in Cringeworthy Online Dating Messages

My Year in Cringeworthy Online Dating Messages

Here’s the best of the worst emails one woman received while looking for love.

For every semi-decent guy I’m actually interested in online, I probably receive about 10 odd, spammy—and sometime scary—messages in my inbox. In the wild, wild west of the digital dating world, you really don’t know what you’re going to get when you swipe to see what that Tinder notification was all about.

Though the crazy messages don’t really phase me anymore and I usually just share the screenshots with my friends for a midday laugh during lunch, perhaps there’s something to be learned from these ridiculous one-sided exchanges?

You know, like this important lesson: run far, far away from any of these guys if you ever receive a message to the ones below. Hopefully, 2015 will bring me a boyfriend—or at least a less-intense inbox:

1. The One Who Wanted Me to Eat Doritos

Golden rule when messaging someone online: Don’t say their photos are fake, even if it’s meant to be a compliment. (And for the record, I don’t even like Doritos.)

 

2. The One From a Girl

Not judging here, but I only swing one way.

 

3. The Hi Guys

Come on, can’t you at least comment on the weather?

 

4. The One About Who Wanted to Make Me His Little Sister

Nope.

 

5. The One About a Bet

So. Obviously. Fake. But curious minds want to know: How many girls responded to this spectacular cut-and-paste job?

 

6. The One About Clairvoyance

I actually was really terrible in ballet. Nice try, buddy.

 

7. The Couple Looking for a Threesome

Confession: I clicked on the Instagram link, but once I realized they were actually looking for a threesome, I passed.

 

8. The Hunchback of Notre Dame

Wow. Just Wow.

 

9. The One About Getting High

I love chicken wings. I love the Metropolitan Museum of Art. But, um, no to this date.

 

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Lindsay Tigar is a 26-year-old single writer, editor, and blogger living in New York City. She started her popular dating blog, Confessions of a Love Addict, after one too many terrible dates with tall, emotionally unavailable men (her personal weakness) and is now developing a book about it, represented by the James Fitzgerald Agency. You can find her running along the East River, drinking champagne with her dog Lucy (don’t judge), and constantly tweeting and instagramming. In addition to Dater Diary, Lindsay also writes for AskMen.com, eHarmony, Shape, Engagement 101, and more. E-mail her at lindsay@loveaddictnyc.com.

 

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