Chances are, there's some woman in your life who's a hardcore timeline keeper (or hey, maybe it's you). She's the one who seems to have her whoooole life mapped out already: ring by 27, promotion by 30, baby numero uno by 31...and the list goes on. But while having a life agenda may seem like a good idea in theory, experts say that it can actually be a recipe for disaster if you go too far with it. In fact, Los Angeles-based life coach Christine Hassler has a whole book coming out in October called Expectation Hangover: Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love & Life.The basic premise is that having too many expectations often backfires because it leaves you disappointed if your experiences don't live up to them exactly.
"It's important to understand that we really can't plan anything 100 percent," she says. "I encourage people to choose wisely and take action toward their dreams but to not strive for complete control—and to approach things with low attachment so you don't end up with an expectation hangover." With that in mind, here are five biggies that Hassler strongly discourages against trying to plan.
Tying the Knot
In this Tinder and OkCupid era, it can feel like you have close to zero control over your romantic life—but Hassler says that's actually OK. "Attempting to plan whom you'll marry and when may lead you to put on rose-colored glasses that make you think you've found The One because you think you should," she says. The problem? That may lead you to marry the wrong guy because your timeline is blinding you to how wrong he actually is for you. "Don't compromise your values just to take vows," says Hassler.
MORE: 5 Times It's OK to Procrastinate
Having a Kid
There's nothing wrong with thinking about whether you want kids and when you might want to start trying for them, but the truth is that no one has complete control over when you'll hit this milestone, says Hassler. "In fact, attempting to plan exactly when it’s going to happen increases your stress levels, which negatively impacts your fertility," she says.
Climbing the Corporate Ladder
Raises and promotions are simply not a guarantee, especially because so many depend on external factors, says Hassler. Her advice: "Just plan on doing your best work, always, and having the appropriate conversations when it's right to have them. Otherwise, surrender to the fact that it's going to happen when it happens."
Discovering Your Life Passion
"Women these days aren't satisfied with the status quo anymore," says Hassler. "Everyone wants their lives to have meaning, and they want to find that meaning now." While it's great to be ambitious, it's just unrealistic to think that you can figure out the most meaningful life course for you on any sort of specific schedule. So don't pressure yourself to articulate your one and only passion by a given time—because then you'll just end up totally bummed when it doesn't happen. Take the emphasis off of whether or not you've figured out what moves you, and instead focus on doing things that can help you get more in touch with your passions.
Completing Your Bucket List by a Certain Age
You know what we're talking about here: running a marathon, climbing Macchu Picchu, and writing a book—all by age 35. Doable? Maybe...if you're a robot. "It's awesome to keep a list of all the things you want to accomplish in life," says Hasssler. "But it's not so awesome to plan how and when they are going to happen. Then your bucket list ends up being more of a 'to-do' list that stresses you out." The best advice? Just roll with the punches, and stay open to whatever cool things may come your way. "Some of the best milestones in life are those that come to you randomly and unexpectedly," says Hassler.
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