Just because you’ve caught her eye doesn’t mean you’ll keep it. If your girlfriend feels even a little less attracted to you, her happiness between the sheets may take a hit, says new research from the University of Kentucky.
In the study, women said they were “somewhat less attracted” to their guy than when they first met, and this downward trend in desire was strongly linked to their sexual satisfaction—more so than any other factor the scientists studied.
It may be a slow process of disillusionment: Your girlfriend may realize that your appealing qualities have downsides—for example, she may have fallen in love with your kindness, but begins to hate your inability to say “no.” Or the protectiveness she once coveted may start to feel possessive.
So how can you maintain her interest—or better yet, increase it—over time?
Show her your good sides
She’ll undoubtedly unearth your flaws the longer you’re together. But you can counter that by letting her see the attractive traits she never knew about. “When people get a chance to see their partner doing something he or she is good at—maybe outside the context of the relationship—that can really boost attraction levels,” says lead researcher Kristen Mark, Ph.D. Giving a speech? Ask her to attend. Playing a championship rec league game? She should be there.
Don’t isolate yourselves
When you become two lovers in a bubble, her attraction is based entirely on her own feelings toward you. But if you hang out with friends together, she can see other people enjoying your company. That social success can re-ignite her affection for you—and remind her of all the awesome reasons she fell in love with you, says Mark.
Keep up appearances
You love when your partner wears yoga pants and no makeup, but you’d be bummed if that’s all she ever wore, right? Likewise, she may think you look super-sexy in basketball shorts. “But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get dressed up once in a while,” says Mark. Schedule a weekly date night where you get dressed up, or take a more spontaneous route: After work, lay out that dress she looks amazing in, then whisk her away for a dinner date.
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