Blind date bail at the last minute? Women are still more nervous to go out with an online love interest than with a prospect they’ve met in person, a new Roosevelt University study reveals.
One factor behind the fear: inexperience. The study found that online-dating virgins tended to be the most hesitant about moving their love life offline. “They think men are going to be super-desperate, or that there is something wrong with their social skills,” says study author Jill Coleman, Ph.D. “But once people have had personal experience with it, the stigma starts to go away.”
There’s also the creep concern. “A lot of this has to do with myths about violence—one of which is that people we don’t know are a huge threat,” Coleman explains. “In reality, the people we know—acquaintances or those we’re in relationships with—are the ones more likely to physically harm us.”
How can you prove you’re trustworthy and encourage women you meet online to, you know, actually meet?
1. Weed out wusses. Filter out hesitant women before you hit send. Scan prospects’ profiles for statements like “My friends convinced me to join” or “I never thought I’d try this”—signs they’re not too enthused about digital dating. If a woman is uncomfortable posting a profile, she’s likely to be even more uncomfortable meeting for a drink, says Coleman.
2. Shift venues. Truth: No one wants to admit they’re checking their OkCupid inbox. So quickly move your conversation to email or Gchat, and some of the online-dating stigma may instantly evaporate. Plus, “she doesn’t have to reveal her full name or where she lives yet,” says Coleman. “She still has some control over what she’s disclosing.” After a few days of back-and-forth, ask for her number—and whether she’d prefer you to call or text.
3. Find common ground. Search for social similarities: Maybe you go to the same gym. Or perhaps you’re from the same town. Any offline connection you find will help cement her sense of safety, says Coleman.
4. Plan the date together. Ready for a real-world encounter? Offer to meet in her neighborhood, research and suggest a few local date spots, then ask if she has any alternative ideas. “If there is a place she knows and likes, that might enhance her feeling of comfort and security,” says Coleman. One final hurdle: getting her there. If she backs out beforehand, simply say, “I’m sorry you can’t make it. Let me know if and when you’d like to reschedule!” Then wait for her to reach out.
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