FWB is such a good idea in theory: You both get sex, and neither of you has to deal with the commitment (and let's be honest: sometimes stress) that comes along with being in a relationship. You tell yourself that he's attractive enough for a couple of rolls in the hay, but you know he’s not worth losing sleep over...at least at first. Soon enough, though, you find yourself waiting on pins and needles for him to text you back—or worse, waiting on some decrepit couch at his friend's house while he finishes band practice. Why does this happen time and time again? How is it that women are so monumentally bad at being friends with benefits?
Our Hormones Do Us Dirty
I once hooked up with this guy who I knew was a total d-bag from the first time we made out: He actually stopped mid-kiss to ask me what my SAT score was (and this was a good 10 years after I'd graduated high school). I knew I had no intention of dating him but was going through a breakup and needed a distraction. As soon as we’d slept together, though, I found myself waiting around for calls from him and putting up with a litany of horrendous behaviors: from asking me to pay for my iced tea at a lunch when I wasn’t eating to taking me on a “date” at 24 Hour Fitness. I believe I have the hormone oxytocin to thank for that one. It’s released after we have sex, and it makes us feel bonded to our partner and causes us to evaluate them more favorably than they probably deserve to be viewed.
A photo posted by Andrea Roa Sanchez (@urbayb) on Jan 9, 2015 at 5:34pm PST
RELATED: 5 Hormones That Mess With You Every Month
We Ignore Obvious Red Flags
Often, it’s clear that we should just part ways with a guy, but good sex and inexplicable emotional attachment can be blinders when it comes to signs that it’s time to say sayonara. One friend told me that while she was hooking up with a guy, he called out the name of his ex, for whom he had made it clear that he still had feelings. She knew that this was his twisted way of making sure she didn’t get the wrong idea about what they were doing. So she made sure to punish him for this offensive behavior by...err...talking to him about his ex for hours later that night.
We Pick Guys We Don't Even Feel Good About Sleeping With
The catch-22 of finding a suitable FWB is that you have to choose someone you don’t like enough to actually want to date...but if you wouldn’t date them, you'll probably regret sleeping with them. Another friend of mine who got married young and then was going through a divorce decided that she needed a dude to distract her while she made it through a real rough patch. She ended up sleeping with a fellow student in one of her college classes (she had also gone back to school around this time). He was, if nothing else, well-endowed (she referred to him by his penis size, “Nine”).
A photo posted by @holster2707 on Jun 10, 2014 at 12:35am PDT
One afternoon, Nine asked for some help with his English paper, and my friend told him to pull some quotes from an article while she took a shower. She got out of the shower, and he had the article in his hand and told her that he had “read the article twice” and that there were none of those, “Whaddyacallem, quote thingies. Like the two lines up top.” Horrified that she had been sleeping with a man with whom she could never hold a conversation, she took one last ride on Nine before ending things. A few months later, he came into her work and asked if she never went out with him because he was really stupid and she was really smart. After she told him yes (as politely as possible), his next Facebook post was “I need to go to Oz and get me a brain.” Perhaps while he’s there, he can ask the great and powerful Oz to bestow the wisdom upon all women to know that more often than not, friends with benefits just turn into liabilities with baggage.
RELATED: What His Favorite Sex Position Says About Him
...But Sometimes to Justify Our Decisions, We Actually Let Them be Our Boyfriends!
The whole purpose of a friend with benefits is that we can have our sexual needs met without worrying about introducing somebody to our parents who identifies as a “freegan”—but sometimes, probably just to prove that we haven't "wasted" our time on the guy in question, we manage to convince ourselves that real pieces of work are actual boyfriend material. I have an actress friend who hooked up with a guy, only to learn that he had cast her in his short film—but not as his love interest (he'd picked another girl for that part). Put off by this, she ended things with him. But a week later, he got drunk and asked her to be his girlfriend. They dated for six years. His name still shows up on her car registration.
RELATED: These 8 Women Left Their Toxic Relationships—and Are Now Happier Than Ever
Powered by WPeMatico
Hello
ReplyDeleteThe web site style is perfect,
The articles is really great
Amazing blog.
blog o zdrowiu i urodzie