The first date went well. The second, even better. Things seem to be heating up between the two of you, so you take the logical next steps: You change your Facebook status to "in a relationship," plot out a month's worth of romantic dates, and ask him to blow off his Sunday night football ritual to meet your parents instead.
Too much? Well, yeah. You have to pace yourself. A successful relationship should feel more like salsa dancing than a football tackle: If you hurl yourself at a guy headlong, you'll scare the crap out of him. But if you step gracefully forward and then move back, giving him a chance to follow, you two will fall into a groove together. Sometimes you're moving toward each other; sometimes you're stepping away. But as long as you keep feeding off of each other's energy, the intensity will build—and nobody will end up face-down in AstroTurf.
RELATED: What Men ALWAYS Notice About You During Sex
The problem with acting clingy is that it puts your guy on the defensive. Can it go both ways? Sure. Guys can be clingy, too. But that's not what we're concerned with here. We're addressing those ladies who come on too fast, wrap up too hard, and don't let go. That's not you, right? To find out for sure, read on for the behaviors that can make or break a relationship.
Cool: Leaving your panties at his place
Clingy: Leaving your toothbrush at his place
Strategically forgetting some lacy lingerie is a sexy way to say, "Don't forget about the awesome night we had." In contrast, stashing your toothbrush in his medicine cabinet says, "Don't think for a minute that we're just having casual sex." Look—if you're sleeping over at his place on the regular and you think it'd be easier to leave a few toiletries behind, just ask him if it's cool. Give him an opportunity to say yes. Then he won't feel like you're forcing yourself into his life.
Cool: Sympathizing with his dislike for his ex-girlfriend
Clingy: Expressing disdain for his attractive female colleague
He hates his ex? Fine—then you can, too. But if he has professional respect for a busty colleague who wears killer heels, you just have to accept it. That shouldn't be a problem if you trust him, but if you're feeling insecure, just talk to your dude. But don't put him on the defensive: "I feel uncomfortable because she's so pretty" is a lot better than "That girl Tammy seems like a bitch." Jealousy is a particularly malignant form of clinginess, and if you let it in, it can create resentment, miscommunication, and a host of other relationships problems.
Cool: Turning down a friend's invite because you've already made plans with your guy
Clingy: Blowing off your friends every time your guy casually suggests hanging out
You know what's sexy? Independence. Unless your guy's a control freak, he wants you to have a life that runs smoothly, even when he's not dictating the next move. It's okay to occasionally have other plans. In fact, it's a good thing. When he offhandedly suggests that you two watch the entire Die Hard marathon on Friday night, you can say no. Try this: "I'm busy Friday. How about dinner on Saturday instead?" Of course, don't pretend to be busy if you're not. That's a problem, too.
RELATED: 11 Reasons Men Might Turn Down Sex
Cool: Leaving the bar early and telling him to call you tomorrow
Clingy: Sticking around but acting upset because he's not ready to leave
If you're tired, bored, or worried about waking up early for work tomorrow, give him a kiss and take off. It's no big deal. What is a big deal is sitting quietly and stewing because you just assumed he'd leave when you did. He'll notice, even if he'd rather not. And what he'll take away from the silent anger is that you think your desires should always come before his.
Cool: Texting when he's 10 minutes late for a date
Clingy: Texting "what's up?" every time you're bored
A "what's up?" text is like saying, "I need attention now!" So if you're thinking about him, be direct about it: "Just thinking about you. Hope you're having a great day." That way you're not forcing him into a conversation that he may not have time for.
Cool: Checking in when he's out of town for a weekend work trip.
Clingy: Checking in when he's out on the town with his guy friends.
Curious about what he's up to? Ask him the next time you see him. Otherwise your impatience might come off as clinginess. Texting questions like, "Are you having fun?" Or "What are you guys up to?" is annoying at best and suspicious at worst. Plus, when he's out having fun, he'd like to imagine you doing something you love, like reading, knitting, catching up with your mom—whatever. Anything's better than sitting by the phone waiting for an update.
RELATED: 10 Things Every Man Wants in Bed
Powered by WPeMatico
No comments:
Post a Comment