This article was written by JoAnna Novak and provided by our partners at Zelle.
My husband and I have been married for three years and dating for 10—since college. We met at the end of my freshman year (when Thomas was a curly-headed junior), and we've always run together—three-mile jaunts around professorial Victorians in our small college town; six-mile Forest Park loops on sticky St. Louis, Missouri, summer days; Thanksgiving morning treks around Minnesota lakes in sub-zero temps; balmy 10-milers around the Connecticut River Valley. We've been a happy, healthy couple for a decade. Almost.
I say "almost" because, like many couples today, we battled the requisite twenty-first century obstacles (alcohol, depression, exes, financial shit, grad school, long distance, money, parents, etc.) to arrive at largely picturesque marital bliss (loft, rescue pup, grain and produce shares with local organic farm, etc.).
These days, we fight less; we fight quieter. And the morning after an argument, we go for a make-up run. I invite you and your partner to do the same. Here are some tips for transforming your workout from burning-off-steam into conflict-resolution:
Don't Be Afraid of Silence
My husband and I run at different paces, which have changed over the course of our relationship. Sometimes I'm working harder to keep up; sometimes he's pushing himself. But when we go for a run together after argument, I don't question those silences of exertion. This is not the time to overanalyze or brood.
Let Go of Your Anger
That's right—release it the second you lace up your shoes. Be mindful of your thoughts as you run. Every glimpse of your partner's profile isn't an invitation to rile yourself up again. Focus on your form or breath, as always, and redirect any thoughts about your partner that pop up to a big-picture place—not the inflammatory statement he made two hours ago.
Remember Why You're in This Relationship
Even if the argument seems like the latest installment in a veritable soap opera of miscommunication, remember that you're both on this run together.
Stay Together (Physically)
Sync up your footfalls. Listen to one another's breaths. Your earbuds can wait. Your sprint can wait. We all know that sometimes a run is about more than a workout—this is one of those times.
Converse with Each Other
Be receptive to the exciting perspective a new day—or a new route—can bring. If your workout talk shifts back to the subject of the argument, draw on the wind at your heels, the sky above you, the heat mounting in your chest, and adjust your attitude. And if you're not ready to revisit the topic, speak up! There's always stretching.
More from Zelle:
Building Her Own Running Team
Running On: Coming Back From Near Death
Why My Running Body Image Is Best On Ice
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