Add this to the list of things that do not belong in your vagina: a potato. A 22-year-old woman in Colombia went to the hospital complaining of stomach pains, according to Colombia Reports. It turns out, she had inserted a potato in her vagina as a form of contraception, and that sucker was growing roots inside her, reports the Huffington Post U.K.
The story that originally appeared in Columbia Reports isn't accessible at this time, so it's tempting to take this one with a grain of salt. That said, it's actually not the first time a woman has stuck a potato up there in good faith and ended up in the E.R., says Matthew Rossomando, emergency room physician's assistant at Bayshore Community Hospital in New Jersey, who saw a patient similar to this at a previous job.
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A few years ago he was on a surgical rotation at a large hospital in New Jersey when his chief resident got a call about a surgery consultation on a middle-aged woman. "Her chief complaint was a tree growing out of her vagina," says Rossomando. "When I asked her to please explain what she meant, she lifted her gown, and sure enough, there were roots sticking out of her."
The surgical resident told the woman he was going to exam her, then felt around inside. "He pulls out a white potato, cut in half," says Rossomando. "It's at that moment that she remembered she had put half a potato in there to help out with a yeast infection." Ironically, "she had no yeast infection when we saw her."
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So in case it needs to be reiterated, inserting a potato—or any food, really—in your vagina is not a good idea. It will not protect against pregnancy, STDs, yeast infections, or any other ailment. It may, however, germinate and grow roots. We can officially add this to the list of DIY remedies you should never, ever try.
Check out these other ridiculous things women have used as contraception, and all the birth control options that are actually safe and effective.
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