The day you get married is filled with people bowing down at the altar of your beauty, while rainbows and butterflies flutter out of every orifice. Err, not exactly. While your wedding day will no doubt be amazing, the pressure to make it the Best Day Ever is a little intense, not to mention a serious buzz kill.
To help you better prep for the day, here’s a breakdown of what many women expect on their wedding day vs. what actually goes down. It’s not always pretty, but one thing’s for sure: You’re getting married to someone you love, and nothing trumps that.
The Morning Of
Expectation: You’ll gently awaken to the sound of doves cooing outside your window, prepping you for a morning of delicate pampering and relaxation.
Reality: You’ve been up since 4 a.m., thanks to a combo of nerves, excitement, and the realization that you’re about to make the single most important decision of your life. You still feel like you’re in high school—who decided you’re adult enough to do this?! Oh…yeah, you did.
Your Hair and Makeup
Expectation: You will wake up looking like Gisele Bundchen. You will be Gisele Bundchen for the day, Brazilian accent and all. No, screw that. You will be the most attractive woman EVER. It’s a shame you’re about to go off the market because every man wants a piece of that.
Reality: Oh, hey—that zit you’ve been fending off for days decided to RSVP for the big day. And your hairdresser apparently decided that the tightly-braided velociraptor look is in, because your coif is giving “Jurassic Park” a run for its money. But that’s okay, you look like a really gorgeous and classy velociraptor.
Your Bridesmaids
Expectation: Your every whim will be catered to by your adoring coterie of best friends and token soon-to-be in-law. You will want for nothing.
Reality: Everyone’s so worried about how their hair/makeup/fugly dress (haha—just kidding! You picked the best dresses ever!) looks that they don’t have as much time for, um, you. At least one of them will annoy the crap out of you, and money’s on the token in-law.
Your Vows
Expectation: Delicate tears will slide down your cheeks as your husband-to-be professes his love in the most poetic, moving speech you’ve ever heard. Your own vows will be equally moving. The officiant will retire on the spot because no one can ever love as deeply as you two.
Reality: You both know you wrote them the night before, after going to the rehearsal dinner and downing a gallon of champagne. But it’s cool—you get that while his notes clearly say “lkjdoi lijli,” he really means “I’ll love you forever.”
The First Kiss
Expectation: Fireworks will shoot out of both of your lips, culminating in a lightshow that rivals the Fourth of July. This kiss will set the stage for the rest of your marriage.
Reality: He goes for tongue; You aim for a grandma-appropriate extended peck. Meeting in the middle ain’t always pretty.
The Photos
Expectation: Kim and Kanye have got nothing on you. You’re going to break Instagram with your wedding photo awesomeness.
Reality: You’ll be forced to do cheeseball poses even your third-grade self would balk at. Peeking around a tree at each other? Wandering off alone in a field of wheat while your new husband stares adoringly from a distance? Have fun with that.
The First Dance
Expectation: You’ve seen the finale of Sleeping Beauty—you’ll float around the dance floor with the grace of a million Auroras gliding on a rainbow-filled cloud.
Reality: This is awkward. What the hell is everyone staring at?! Also, while incredibly sweet and the best husband ever, your man apparently didn’t get the Sleeping Beauty memo. Yep, should have rehearsed this.
The Food
Expectation: You agonized over the menu and sat through multiple tastings to make sure the food is absolutely perfect. Now that you don’t have to worry about fitting in your dress, you’re going to do some serious chowing down.
Reality: Between reception duties and thanking everyone for coming, you’ll have time to scarf down a passed hors d'oeuvre, if you’re lucky.
The Cake Cutting
Expectation: After a little playful banter, you’ll delicately feed each other a slide of heavenly wedding cake, followed by a gentle kiss.
Reality: The man you pledged to love and protect for all of eternity will probably shove cake in your face. Just go with it.
Wedding Night Sex
Expectation: You’ll have multiple orgasms on a rose petal-strewn bed, surrounded by a ring of flickering candles. Afterward, you’ll gently wipe his tears away while he thanks you for giving him a night of sex hotter than he could ever imagine.
Reality: You’ll wind up together in bed naked…but only because your pajama-locating skills went out the window around the time you had your fifth glass of champagne. You have a whole lifetime of hot sex in front of you, but right now, you're freaking wiped.
All gifs courtesy of giphy.com
More from Women's Health:
15 Things No One Ever Tells You About Marriage
10 Things Married Women Are So Sick of Hearing
The Biggest Wedding Tip I Wish I'd Gotten…
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