To say that your bond changes between those early days of dating and those first years of marriage would be a serious understatement. But as your relationship changes, apparently your texting habits transform, too.
Alice Zhao, a data scientist and blogger at ADashOfData.com, commemorated six years of coupledom with her now-husband by comparing their first year of texting to their sixth year (the latter of which covered their engagement and early days of being married). She found that not only did they use different words more frequently in each year, but they texted each other at different times of the day. The result is a pretty cool glimpse at how most people change their texting habits over the course of a relationship.
For instance, in their first year, the couple used the word "love" and each other's names much more often, and they sent each other texts all throughout the day—and night. In their sixth year, they tended to only text during work hours, and their most commonly used words were "dinner" and "OK."
And no, this does not mean that they're super-boring now. In fact, Zhao sums it up pretty perfectly by explaining that their texts became less flirty and more predictable because they now say all the important, adorable stuff in person and rely on texts mostly to check in during the workday. It makes sense, and it's probably the exact same thing most married couples experience when they look back at their inboxes. Obviously things are going to evolve once you've moved past those uncertain early days of dating—and that's a good thing!
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But what if you've noticed some lackluster messages in your inbox lately and you can't attribute it to just a change in communication patterns or the result of moving in together—can you recapture some of that textual heat you used to have? Definitely.
"Since texts are so easy and convenient, people in relationships tend to get straight to the point instead of wooing the other like they did when they first met," says Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure. But she says it's important to remember that texting "has the power to elicit an emotional response in an instant—for better or worse." So why not have fun with it and use it as an extension of flirting and foreplay even when you're living together or married? Here are a few tips from Levine to put the sexy back in your smartphone:
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Be Warmer
Even if you're just texting about logistics and to-dos, add something sweet in so it's not so abrupt. Instead of "What time will you be home?" write "I can't wait for tonight. What time will I see you?"
Get Sappy
You know how you used to send those pointless but adorable texts like "thinking of you" when you were first dating? Yeah, bring those back into play. Sure, it's implied, but it's still cute (and appreciated).
Send a Surprise
Both at home? Text each a sweet love note from another room. Or better yet, send a sexy invitation or pic of your favorite body part to beckon your partner to the bedroom.
Sext on Trips
If one of you is out of town, take advantage of the distance to send each other some erotic texts that are suggestive of what you want to do to each other when you're together.
Put it Away
Last but not least, Levine warns about the dangers of being overly attached to your devices. "It's important for couples to put technology aside as often as they can when they are together," she says. "If you take this challenge, and sext each other once in a while, it's novel and more exciting."
MORE: 5 Tech Habits That Build Trust in Your Relationship
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