This article was written by Lauren A. Peña and repurposed with permission from YourTango.
As a matchmaker and dating coach, I follow up with many singles and their dates the day after they meet for the first time. One person usually says the date went phenomenally—but the other one says there wasn't any chemistry. What gives?
The hard truth is that dating is a skill, and some people are better at it than others. So while you may think you wowed your date by telling some good jokes and ordering the lobster, you may have left your date feeling empty and dissatisfied. But don't fret—it's a skill you can practice and improve. Just ask yourself these questions before your next hot date:
Do you show up on time? Sorry, but being "fashionably late" is just rude. Show your date you're respectful of their time by being there promptly. Making the other person wait doesn't build suspense—it generally makes your date wait in nervous annoyance, which can set the tone for the rest of the date.
Do you look prepared? Dress for the date you want. Showing up and looking good sends the message that you care about yourself, and you're a person someone should care about.
Do you have questions ready? Usually, on a first date, you know very little about the other person. That leaves one million unanswered questions about them. Be curious about the other person and have an arsenal of questions in your bank to fire off should there be any awkward silences.
Do you listen? Sometimes the things you don’t say will impress your date the most. Sitting back and listening to your date will let them know that you care and are interested in what they're saying.
Are you polite? You should always be kind to everyone you meet, but especially on a first date. And this includes everyone: the hostess, the servers, and other patrons. The first date is not the place to showcase your road rage or annoyance, even if the waiter gave you Chardonnay instead of Merlot.
Are you energetic? First dates should be light-hearted and fun, not heavy and depressing. So leave any work struggles at the office. Too often people get bogged down with the other stresses of life, and that energy is a turn-off.
Are you laughing? Smiling invites people in, and laughing keeps them there. First dates can get too serious, too fast, as you both try to get all the pertinent info out there. Laughing things off will relax you, and put you and your date at ease.
Are you flirting? Remember, it's a date! Maintain eye contact, lean in, face your date, touch—anything really. Or think of something nice to say, whether it's about their family, work, or something they're wearing. A little extra effort shows you think of them more than just a friend.
If you answered "yes" to most or all of these questions, congrats! You're a skilled dater. For those of you who mostly answered "no," don't worry—there's still hope. Practice makes perfect, after all! So hone these crucial date skills, and you're next first date could be your last one ever.
More from YourTango:
10 Dating Tips I Wish I'd Followed While I Was Single
Single? 8 Modern Dating Rules You NEED to Know
7 Bizarre Dating Sites You Won't Believe Exist
7 Types of Guys You Meet Online—We All Know #3
Hilarious Dating Fails We Can All Learn From
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