For millions of people struggling with obesity, weight-loss success is about much more than before-and-after photos or getting a "bikini body." For one such woman, social worker Beverly Cutlip, it's currently about the small victories and the quiet triumphs—such as being able to sit down at a park picnic table for the first time in many, many years.
The moment that Beverly was able to relax comfortably at that picnic table was a triumphant one that brought her to tears of joy. It was a moment of sweetness that probably went unnoticed by those around her—and, since Beverly is still 370 pounds, others might not have considered it a reason to celebrate at all. But the moment meant everything to Beverly, who has lost an amazing 80 pounds since March 30 (she used to weigh 450 pounds).
Beverly knew one person who would understand—Tony Posnanski, a chef and Huffington Post writer who tipped the scales at 420 pounds in 2008 and lost 221 of it by totally revamping his diet and lifestyle.
Posnanski gets many, many letters about personal weight-loss success stories—but Beverly's heartfelt letter detailing this tiny triumph in the park really struck him. So he crafted a response to her that was published on his blog and the Huffington Post.
In it, he writes, "I was once more than 400 pounds. I was lost in a world where I felt like I was the 'obesity epidemic.' Everywhere I went, people looked at me in disgust. People either hated looking at me or felt sorry for me. I knew they felt sorry for my wife." He goes on to explain that what stuck out to him about Beverly's story was what he calls "non-scale victories"—the small changes other people don't even consider about a weight-loss journey, such as a formerly obese person being able to tie their shoes again, have sex with their spouse, buckle a seatbelt without using an extender, or simply sit at a picnic table.
As Posnanski writes on his blog, The Anti-Jared, "The biggest thing about weight loss is that we should all know we are in this together. We struggle, but knowing we all struggle makes it easier." To that end, Women's Health spoke with Beverly about her journey and challenges—as well as why people need to change the way they view weight loss and obesity.
WH: What caused your weight to spiral out of control to the point where you were more than 400 pounds?
Beverly: I've been overweight since I was a little girl. I am the fourth of seven children, and we were raised very poor—so there weren't a lot of healthy food options to be had. There was a lot of pasta, fried food, and fatty meats, especially hamburger. Mom was always there asking if we were hungry, did we want more to eat, did we get enough? She was equating love and providing for us to always being full. I'm not blaming my mother for the weight I am now. At a certain point, we have to look at our own lives and our own decisions, and when I reached that point, I continued to make bad decisions. I'm in love with food. Sweets and sugary foods are somewhat of an issue, but comfort foods and soul food are my weaknesses. I realize now that due to my mother making those connections between love and food, I now use food for comfort.
What kind of limitations did your weight cause?
My weight has caused me so much grief in my life. When I was younger, I was teased relentlessly. I didn't want to go to school. My grades suffered. I even went through a time where I didn't want to live. When I reached high school, I made some new friends; they were very supportive of me, and things got better. I began to accept myself and did not experience shame over my body anymore. While no longer feeling bad about myself was great, being strong and self-confident didn't help my weight. I packed on the pounds. I didn't care because I was who I was, and I loved me just the way I was. If others didn't like it, that was their problem.
The pounds kept coming. I was pretty healthy until my senior year in high school, when I first started having medical issues due to my weight. My weight was wreaking havoc on my reproductive organs. I started my period one day, and it didn't stop for three months. I almost bled to death and had to be hospitalized. Eventually, they were able to get me stabilized and the bleeding stopped, but I had to take medication they prescribed—and it caused me to gain even more weight.
I did an internship with Child Protective Services, and they hired me after I graduated. But after being out on several emergencies with CPS and law enforcement, I realized I was too heavy to do the job. It was exhausting. I couldn't walk long distances, I couldn't climb stairs, and carrying children was so hard. I needed to do something. I wanted to lose weight but knew that as long as I was on the medication, I wouldn't. The only solution was for me to have a hysterectomy. At 30 years old, I had a complete hysterectomy. I can never have a child of my own, and it's all due to my weight.
What types of struggles have you dealt with while trying to lose weight? What have been your greatest obstacles?
I'm no longer with Child Protective Services, but with the job I have now, I am on the road almost every single day—so fast food is a very big temptation. My activity level, or lack thereof, is another huge issue. I'm in my car for hours on end, and then when I am finally with a client for work, we are usually sitting and talking.
What brought you to write to Posnanski?
I had read a few of his posts on Facebook and related to him. One of the first articles I read was where he described what it was like to live daily as a large person. He knew what it was like to have to ask for a table instead of a booth at restaurants because you won't fit. He knew what it was like to pray the handicap stall was open in a public bathroom because you can't take care of your needs in the regular ones. I knew that if anyone understood how I was feeling, it was him.
Can you describe the experience you had at the picnic table?
I can't remember the last time I was able to sit at a picnic table, although it happened in stages and was a slow thing. At first I wasn't able to sit facing forward, so I had to sit sideways. Then I couldn't sit sideways and would sit with my back to the table and my legs on the outside. And then I couldn't do that anymore, either.
But recently, I was at a park for work, and the only option to sit down were picnic tables. I thought at the least I could perch on the seat, but I was surprised that I could actually sit comfortably. After a while, I tried to sit sideways and was shocked once again when I fit easily. I could actually feel my heart beating, I was so excited. I decided to go ahead and try to turn the rest of the way around, and all of a sudden there I was—sitting at a picnic table. The world was going on around me, and I was sitting there with tears in my eyes because I could sit like everyone else.
What other breakthroughs have you had?
There have been quite a few, actually. I had bought a pair of pants about a year ago that were one size too small, so I put them in the top of my closet and forgot about them. I found them while cleaning and tried them on, and I was so shocked that they fit. And the first day that I was able to use my car without a seatbelt extender was another huge victory. And I was able to buy a pretty bra the other day, not some granny monstrosity!
At what point did you finally decide it was time to start losing weight and getting healthier?
In 2010, my father passed away. He was overweight as well and had several heart attacks, a stroke, and diabetes over the years. He died of kidney failure. Dad was the rock of our family. He was our port in the storm. It was so hard when he passed away.
But another reason for finally wanting to get healthy and lose the weight is that I want to adopt a child. I don't believe that it is fair to a child for me to bring that child into my life when there is no guarantee that I will live past 40 or when I won't be able to play and run and have fun with that child. I want to be able to give a child everything that I have, and at 450 pounds, that wasn't much. I figured, "Why not use this time to get healthy so that when it is time to adopt, I will be the best possible me that I can be?"
How do you feel about Posnanski's response to your letter?
I loved his response. He got it; he knew exactly what I was feeling that day. We are bombarded every day with what the mainstream thinks dieting should be about; yes, it's about the numbers on the scale dropping, but there is so much more involved.
I actually sent him another message after I read his response, and I told him that he was right. People just don't get it. Something that others take for granted, like sitting at a picnic table, is an earth-shattering moment for someone that hasn't been able to do it in years.
How do you think people need to change their views about weight loss?
I think about this a lot. I work with many different people as part of my job, and I see how people treat each other. One of the hardest lessons I learned when I was going to school to become a social worker was to shed prejudices that I didn't even know I had.
As a society, we look down on alcoholics and drug addicts, homeless people and abusers. We don't stop to think about the life that those people are living. Yes, they made choices that were not the best for them and their families, but it goes deeper than that. We don't grow up thinking that we will be drug-addicted or homeless. I sure didn't aspire to be overweight. Things happened in my life that led me to the choices that I made. I have struggled; I am struggling. It's so easy to be judgmental of others when we have no idea what life is like for them.
We need to stop summing up a person based on first impressions. People look at me, and they see a fat woman. They don't see the person that loves others almost to a fault. They don't see the smart, witty person. They don't see the closet novelist. They don't see someone beautiful. I see all that and more; I know who and what I am, and it all comes down to self-confidence.
I would like to believe and hope that if more people can and would stand up to say, "This is my journey, this is my struggle," then the general view on obesity would change.
What specific changes have you made that are working for you?
I am using Nutrisystem, and it's working great. They really do help you learn healthy eating habits. I spent hours in the store when I first started the diet, comparing nutritional labels so that I could make wise decisions. I've cut out as much salt from my diet as I can. I eat a lot of vegetables and drink a lot of water.
With being on the road so much, it's taken a lot of planning to make sure that I stick with this diet. I have a planner that I use to decide what I'll eat every single day, and I plan out a week's worth of food at a time so that I don't have to try and figure it out later.
What has been keeping you motivated lately?
I joined a support group on Facebook on the same day that I started my diet, and those women (and one man) have been my inspiration and motivation all along. They can help with questions and give advice, but it's more than just that—they write about some of same concerns that I have. Our life experiences almost mirror one another. I know that if I stumble, they aren't going to judge; they are going to support me and remind me why I am doing this.
What do you want other people who are struggling to lose weight to know?
I would tell them to celebrate the small stuff as often as they celebrate the big stuff. I would tell them to be proud of every pound they have, as well as every pound they've lost. We were created beautiful, and nothing can change that, not our outer appearance or what others think of it.
And I would tell them to breathe. Putting on weight is not an overnight thing, so it’s going to take some time to lose it.
More From Women's Health:
10 Really Great Reasons to Work Out That Have Nothing to Do With How You Look
8 Totally Honest, No-B.S. Truths About Trying to Lose Weight
'Diets Will Never Work—Weight Loss HAS to Be a Lifestyle Change'
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