If you wanted to help motivate a fellow exerciser, would you (a) praise her for working so hard and flash her a thumbs-up, or (b) take to Facebook to pen an open letter flinging insults about her weight before claiming to respect her for trying? If the latter is more your style, you might be the charming individual who recently posted an open letter like that on Facebook.
The anonymous letter, addressed to "the fatty running on the Westview track," accused the runner of stopping during laps, "footslogging" in the wrong direction, and for being drenched with sweat (um, that's what happens when you run, right?). But as the letter progresses, the tone shifts, with the writer telling the runner that he or she "f-ing rocks" for being so motivated. The writer claims no condescension and says he or she is filled with respect. But does this sound respectful to you? "Every shallow step you take, you carry of the weight of more than two of me, clinging to your bones, begging to be shaken off. Each lap you run, you're paying off the debt of another midnight snack, another dessert, another beer." Way to call attention to this runner's body in the most judgmental way possible.
OK, perhaps in some messed up way, the writer really is trying to give props and a little fitspiration to the unnamed runner. But you know what? This is not the way to do it. Backhanded compliments are just that—creepy, passive-aggressive ways to take a shot at someone, not a way to show respect. "Shaming a stranger and calling it motivation is not only rude and inappropriate, it's counterproductive," says Yvonne Thomas, PhD, a Los Angeles-based psychologist specializing in self-esteem. Most of us don't feel inspired by negative comments—instead, we're inspired by positive words and praise that aren't muddied by thinly disguised insults, says Thomas.
What do you think: Is calling someone out for not being a natural born athlete and then claiming to respect their effort motivational tough love—or a demoralizing backhanded insult?
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