Girls Recap: What to Do If You Sleep With a Friend's Ex

Girls Recap: What to Do If You Sleep With a Friend's Ex

Did the events in the most recent episode of Girls hit a little too close to home? Here's how an expert recommends you move past your mistake

Warning: This article contains spoilers about the episode of Girls that aired February 1.

So, Marnie and Ray. That happened. (In case you haven't seen the latest episode of Girls—and don't care about spoilers—Marnie goes to Ray's apartment to ask him what he thinks is "wrong" with her, only to end up twisting the sheets with him.)

Clearly, the sex wasn't something either party meant to happen (or even really wanted until their primal urges got the better of them). And while Shosh may have been the one who dumped Ray, he's still the guy she lost her virginity to—so according to universal girl code, that would definitely make him off-limits for Marnie.

But girl code or no girl code, Marnie slept with him. And sometimes, even people who aren't TV characters (incredibly selfish ones at that) can make the mistake of hooking up with a friend's ex. So we asked Irene Levine, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at New York University's School of Medicine, what the best course of action would be for any woman who finds herself in a similar situation—and wants to avoid a friend breakup.

"The most important thing is to tell your friend sooner than later," she says. "It could be an automatic friendship-killer if she finds out from someone other than you." Of course, that doesn't mean that you're off the hook if you do tell her soon after the incident.

"You can try to explain your lapse in judgment, but since this is such an egregious breech of trust, your friend may be unable to forgive you or need some time to get over the disappointment," says Levine. After you apologize, give her a week or two to cool off (and hopefully remember what a great friend you were before you saw her ex's penis) before you try making contact again.

When you do reach out to her, go easy on the apologies this time around. Explaining to her how you feel—even if it's how sorry you are—isn't nearly as important at this point as listening to how she feels about everything that's gone down, says Levine. Your friend still might not be able to get past your mistake, but at least you'll know you did what you could to try to salvage the relationship.

MORE: How to Forgive a Friend

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