As a dad, there's no escaping your responsibilities this time of year. Whether your oldest is back from college, or you just drove your newborn home from the hospital, kids present all sorts of unique challenges around the holidays. But with a little practice, you can ace each one. Here's how to survive some of December's trickiest parenting pitfalls.
1. Defusing a Ticked-Off Kid
Your 8-year-old may squeal with excitement as he grabs the gift your aunt brought him. But he scowls when he rips off the wrapping paper to reveal a book you've been reading to him since he was 4. "Where the Wild Things Are? I already have this one!"
"These are some of the most cringe-inducing words for any parent to hear during the holidays," says Elycia Rubin, author of No Biggy! - A Playful Story Helping Kids Manage Frustration.
Her advice: Remind your kid about the importance of good manners before your gift-toting relatives arrive. "Modeling gracious behavior is also key to avoiding a situation like this," Rubin says. That means offering up lots of thank-yous in front of your child to show him how it's done. It can also help to remind him of your little pregame pep talk with a line like, "Hey bud, wasn't it nice of Aunt Gertrude to bring you a gift?"
If all your best-laid plans fall apart and your child blows it with a loud groan or lament, skip the scolding, Rubin adds. "You don't want to shame him in front of the gift-giver," she advises. Just remind him to say thanks, then offer your aunt a smile and a kids-will-be-kids shake of the head.
2. Road-Tripping with an Infant
Babies aren't immune to jetlag. You need to help them adjust, or no one's going to get much sleep this holiday. If you're only going to be gone for 2 or 3 days, do your best to stick to your tyke's usual timetable, suggests Meghan Casano, BSN, a specialist in infant sleep regulation for Isis Parenting. That means if your daughter usually goes to sleep at 9 p.m. in New York, you need to put her down at 6 p.m. on the West Coast, Casano stresses. (Also, be prepared for her to wake up three hours earlier than usual.)
If you're going on a longer trip--or if your holiday plans include a flight overseas--you can help your child adjust to the time shift by putting her to bed and waking her up 15 minutes earlier or later each day in the two weeks leading up to your travel date, Casano recommends. (If you're heading east, shift the times earlier. If west, later.) Whatever time of day it is, make sure your baby's room is nice and bright when you wake her up, and as dark as possible when she goes to bed. Light is essential to helping set her sleep rhythms, Casano adds.
And above all, make sure your kid's sleeping environment is consistent: That means lugging around whatever noise machines, humidifiers, or other bedtime accessories you normally surround her with at bedtime, Plus, stick to your usual pre-bed routines, whether that includes a bath or story time, Casano says. Your child relies on those cues.
3. Controlling Your Kid's Candy Intake
From gingerbread cookies to candy canes, sugar-loaded goodies are plentiful during the holidays. When your toddler's eyes get big at the sight of all those sweets, consider setting your sugar concerns aside for a change, Rubin suggests. "When given the opportunity to really go to town, toddlers tend not to eat as many sweets as you'd expect," she says. Small children typically "graze" if left to their own devices--meaning they're satisfied after just a few bites of most desserts. The holidays only come once a year. "It's okay to loosen the reins a bit," Rubin adds.
4. Letting Your Teen Earn a Living
You think your middle- or high-schooler is old enough for a part-time holiday job. Sounds like a good character-building activity, right? Actually, studies have linked part-time jobs to increased rates of alcohol and drug use, says Robert Leeman, Ph.D., a psychiatrist at Yale University School of Medicine. "Adolescents tend to associate with older peers at part-time jobs, who may be negative influences," Leeman says. Teenagers also tend to make bad decisions when they have access to extra cash, past research has shown.
If your son has already shown signs of trouble-making, or if he seems like a "sensation seeker"--showing enthusiasm for intense experiences like extreme sports--a part-time gig may be asking for trouble, research suggests. But if he's pretty well-behaved and keeps his nose clean, a short-term holiday job shouldn't be an issue, Leeman says. Just keep a close eye on his social circle. If he's suddenly hanging out with new people--especially older kids--that's a big warning sign, Leeman adds.
5. Respecting a Returning Freshman
Your oldest just returned home from her first semester at college. From her diet to her social schedule, you'll probably notice some radical changes, says Emory University professor Marshall Duke, Ph.D., who for 25 years has offered parents of new students a seminar on handling college-aged kids. But first thing's first: Make sure your daughter's room looks just the way it did when she left home for school. Life at college can be stressful and full of uncertainty. And so it's important for her to know she can count on at least one thing staying the same, Duke explains.
And when she informs you she's a vegetarian, or if she seems to wait until 11 p.m. every night before heading out to meet her friends, remember this mantra: Negotiate, don't dictate. That means discussing your problem with her coming home at 3 a.m.--not ordering her to be back by 1. "College kids feel like they've gained all the wisdom in the world," Duke says. "But parents still need to be parents." Also, try to remember: These disruptions are short-lived, so pick your battles. "She'll be headed back to school before you know it," Duke adds.
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