Earlier this week, the Miami Dolphins suspended offensive lineman Richie Incognito for reportedly bullying his teammate Jonathan Martin. The news seems to have evoked the same general response from sports pundits: Sure, Incognito might have pushed Martin too hard, but what do you expect from a professional football player?
After all, gridiron men are often rewarded for being cocky and aggressive--and so, too, are competitive workers in cutthroat office environments. Your corporate culture might even encourage drill sergeant-like behavior, whether you realize it or not: "If you show anger, demean others, and highlight your strengths, that can be perceived as showcasing the fact that you're a leader," says Christine Porath, Ph.D., author of The Cost of Bad Behavior.
Are you an accidental office bully? Here's how to spot the potential signs and fix them fast, before you ruin your coworker's day--or your own career.
1. You're in charge, and you take all the credit for your team's ideas.
The problem: Since you bear the responsibility if a project crashes and burns, why shouldn't you take credit when things go well? "When you ignore someone's contributions, it's a way of asserting your power and belittling their value," Porath says.
The fix: Being generous with praise, especially in public settings, will make your employees work harder. Plus, Porath's research finds that someone who is respectful and civil is more likely to be trusted by their peers--which can lead to earning greater responsibilities or a glowing job recommendation down the road. "You gain more by demonstrating likeability," she says.
2. You feel like you have to yell to be heard in your open-plan office.
The problem: Some people's voices just naturally project. But if your coworker gently suggests you use your "inside voice" and you brush that off, you're subconsciously shouting at him to make him look bad to everyone else, says Gary Namie, Ph.D., the author of The Bully-Free Workplace.
The fix: Stand a little closer to the person you need to talk to when you're in cubicle land. Lower your voice so he can hear you, but the busybody over the divider can't make out the words. If you need to criticize, or even deliver a wake-up call in serious tones, take it behind closed doors, Namie says.
3. You push your coworkers for perfection.
The problem: There's nothing wrong with striving for excellence and motivating others to put out their best. But the standards you set might not be attainable. "Perfectionism itself is a problem, because it's all about falling short," says Namie. What's more, too often you're asking people for a high-level result that you might not be able to pull off.
The fix: "A lot of people who bully are lesser-skilled than the people they target," says Namie. It's not entirely your fault--many companies these days see management as an interchangeable skill set. (Just look at how many CEOs bounce from business to unrelated business with disastrous results.) Take it upon yourself to learn the roles of the people you're leading. Even if you're not as experienced as they are, you can still earn their respect.
4. You're too busy to be nice.
The problem: You think your short, one-word emails are efficient, but others may view them as blunt. And unless you're critiquing or assigning work, you don't have anything to say to someone ranking below you on the totem pole. "That sticks in a bad way for people, because feeling valued is a fundamental need," says Porath.
The fix: Simple niceties don't take any time at all: When you pass someone in the hall, make eye contact. If you're standing next to them in the elevator, say hello and greet them by name. Some companies have even made common courtesy a rule in the employee handbook, and as a result, have improved morale across the board, Porath says.
5. You think someone is too thin-skinned.
The problem: Harsh management tactics can occasionally work, like when you ride a poor performer hard enough until he becomes one of your best employees. But when you try being strict with others and they don't respond as well, your instinct is to blame them. "It becomes easier to justify because you've done the same thing to other people, and they weren't shocked or offended and didn't miss work out of fear," says Namie.
The fix: Take personal responsibility for how your leadership style affects others, Namie says. Although someone who simply isn't up to snuff doesn't necessarily deserve to be coddled, try different motivational approaches before you give up entirely.
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