There’s more to her tease than meets the eye: Women play hard-to-get to make you want them, but also as a test of your commitment, finds a new Australian study.
Your willingness to keep pursuing her tells her your final goal: an actual relationship. “Women have to weed out the men who are just interested in them for sex,” says Deanna Lorraine, a Los Angeles-based dating coach for men. Dealing with girls who play hard-to-get usually requires too much work for one-night-stand seekers.
Although men and women are equally guilty of playing coy, the study found ladies use five particular tactics. Never let her ploys wreck your game again:
1. She withholds sex.
You’re seeing a new girl who’s definitely not a virgin, yet she’s treating your first time together like the Holy Grail. “She’s withholding because she doesn’t feel secure with you yet,” Lorraine says.
Your plan: Show her something serious could be on the horizon. Toss out the “wait 3 days to call” rule, hang out 2 days in a row, and invite her to an event that’s a few weeks away. “She needs to feel that you’re sticking around,” says Lorraine. By making plans well beyond next weekend, you prove exactly that.
2. She acts sarcastic.
Don’t let her verbal sparring discourage you. “A lot of guys fail this,” Lorraine says. “Either they’re really nice or complimentary, or they take it personally, like she is actually dissing them.” In reality, she’s flirting and trying to show you she’s a bit of a challenge.
Your plan: Give it right back to her. “Be sarcastic, too. Play along,” Lorraine suggests. “That’s what going to get her attention.” Just make sure she knows you’re teasing, not lashing out because you’re offended. As you make a jab, smile and touch her on the arm or shoulder to show you’re playing around.
3. She makes you chase her.
The harder you work to win her affection, the easier it is for her to let her guard down. “We want to test men to make sure that they’ve built up genuine feelings for us—that they’re not going to be hitting it and quitting it,” says Lorraine. And, she concedes, “a lot of women like the pursuit.”
Your plan: “Put time and detail into getting to know her, instead of just throwing together last-minute or casual dates,” says Lorraine. Text her things like, “Mexican or Italian food?” or “What’s your favorite dessert?”
And when you make plans together, be on time. “A woman will make a man chase as long as she feels like she can’t trust him—he’s showing signs of flakiness, breaking plans with her, things like that,” Lorraine says. But if you’re reliable, her walls will come down more quickly.
4. She looks at you, then turns away.
“We think we should just give a guy a little signal, and he should be the one to come over to us,” says Lorraine.
Your plan: Before you introduce yourself, make sure she didn’t just make accidental eye contact. “See if she looks back a second time,” says Lorraine. If she checks you out again, smile and motion for her to come over, perhaps even pat the chair beside you. She’ll likely protest—which gives you a chance to establish a fun back-and-forth. “I’ve seen this done before, and usually the woman is the one to cave in,” says Lorraine. Voila, you’re in.
5. She’s slow to respond.
If she takes hours to answer your texts, she may, in fact, be interested—but that interest is overpowered by skepticism. “You haven’t made a strong enough connection yet to be on her radar,” says Lorraine.
Your plan: Playfully call her out on her Grandma pace. “If it’s becoming a bit of a pattern, you could send her a little joke, like, ‘You better try to respond faster this time, just to make sure I’m not married with kids already,’” says Lorraine. That way, you don’t seem scolding, but get the point across.
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